Necessities for Happiness

In the vein of minimization, I'm taking a crack at determining what's necessary for me to be happy. This of course is a vastly greater list than what's necessary for my survival, and while it's a noble goal, I don't see it happening. I'd call it a "stretch" goal, but even that's a stretch...

1) Love -- love of a companion, children, parents, and friends.
1a) Relationships -- Good social relationships with those that love me, and also those I come into contact with.
2) Health -- A big part of my outlook on life depends on how I feel each day. I need to do a better job on this.
3) Food -- I love to eat lots of different things, and lots of probably unhealthy things, which is contridictory to 2), I know.
4) Sports -- Yea, I know...but it's an honest list...the Illini, Cubs, Bears, and Bulls make me happy. I can probably be happy without other teams, but of course, I'm not sure who my teams would play...
5) Music, Literature, Arts -- I'm definately not the most cultured person, but I try to keep myself involved, and learning new things.
6) Productive work -- I can't possibly be happy without being able to do something to engage my mind. Right now, it's working as an electrical engineer, on something important (to me anyway). I think the work that will make me happy, will always be important to me, and when it ceases to be, it's time to move on.
7) Open eyes -- For me to be happy, I must feel that others around me, or important to me, understand that there is more to the world than just their own situation. I must understand this too. In my last post, I talked about this, if don't understand the what we have, and appreciate it, we'll never be able to help others.
8) Travel -- This goes with open eyes, but also it's my personal enjoyment to see new things, and experience other cultures (Boston and San Antonio are other cultures I tell you!)

As of now, it's a complete list, but of course, it could change.

Interesting, what I don't need to be happy:
1) Lots of money -- To sustain many of the things above, money is needed, but not in the amounts being earned now, and larger amounts to be earned in the future. Luckily, my companion to be is of the same nature. Hopefully we can fulfill the ideals of philanthropy that we talk about now.

2) Toys -- My MP3 player does make it easier to listen to music, but I don't have to have the big screen tv's, high end stereo's, super fast computers, sling box, digital cable, HD, that I'm always thinking I should get. I need a cellular phone, for safety and for 1), because it's how I keep in touch with friends. I don't need a cellular phone that stores my pictures, my music, plays videos, games, and tells me to tie my showlaces though. I need a digital camera, because I'm cheap (same for the cell phone, by the way), but I don't need a new one just because mine is too big to take to the bars. I've thought this, seriously...luckily someone helped me see it's ridiculous.

3) Clothes -- One area where I'm doing pretty good. I don't spend alot of money on clothes (relatively that is), but I think I maintain a resonable level of presentability. I think some level is necessary for attaining the items above.

4) Cars -- I do enjoy my car, but it's definately more than what's necessary for my happiness. I should keep this one until it dies, or at least be more practical in my next purchase. Reasonable comfort is a necessity as it aids in achieving some of the things above...230hp, 3.0liter, V6 engine that gets 22MPG, is not...

5) Big house -- Ahh, the goal of so many people, including me, that just isn't necessary. My parents are struggling to figure out how to downsize in a reasonable manner. Other family friends are upsizing, which is a problem within the confines of the social drama that is "samaj." In other words, "what will (insert favorite gossipy man or woman here) say?" I don't need a room just to watch movies in, or a room just to play pool in, or a room that is just used to sit (the sitting room, really, it's the biggest scam in real estate, who uses these??).

6) Alcohol -- Interestingly enough, it doesn't necessarily fit in with anything above. Some of you are reading this, and thinking, "what the f, what happened to Mitesh?" Nothing, really. I'm not denoucing alcohol, or anything of that nature, just realizing that it isn't necessary for my happiness. Sure, a part of food is having good things to taste, but my palate isn't that sensitive to fine wines, or great beers, or other spirits.

Hmm...its interesting what you realize when you stop to think. I really don't have a need for stores like best buy, and circuit city, yet I go to them all the time. Unfortunately, I need stores like Walmart, but for less than what I procure from there right now. I need to think about the time spent in coffeehouses, and places like that, as they don't necessarily fit in with any of the ideas above. You don't go to one to open your eyes to the world. They may promote arts, literature, and music, but I don't think the chain ones do. There are definately some shops that do. The hot chocolate that I seem to get at them would fit in with food, but the taste (to me) isn't much different than what's at home, so why not sit and drink it at home?

Feel free to comment, and point out areas in which I am being hypocritical, because thats the only way for me to change. Either the action or the list should be modified. Also put up your own list, you might learn something.

In A Coffeeshop in Philadelphia

Happy Holidays everyone. Hopefully they are treating you well, and offering you a chance to reflect and hopefully feel good about those reflections. I'd imagine that given the time of year, those reflections are causing you to think about what could be better. Certainly, I've had thoughts such as these. For instance, the one that we all have, or maybe it's my perception, is that I could be more healthy. I could cut out the unnecessaries, and stick to basics. I'm sure that the fact that I'm reading Gandhi's autobiography ("The Story of My Experiements With Truth") has something to do with this idea. Going back to my 26 years of experience though, this isn't a realistic goal...but something in between is. Cutting back on the luxury items, be it consumable (FOOD) or non consumable (TOYS) isn't going to harm me one bit. One consumable that I'd like to cut out is alcohol. Looking around my life, I see that there are a good deal of negatives associated with it. I think over the past year, I've definately cut back from somewhat irresponsible consumption to responsible consumption, with a few slip ups here and there. Now, though, I'd like to continue this trend to non-consumption. Most of you who know me will probably think it's ludicris, and maybe it is, but it's a goal. Seeing that I'm not an alcoholic or anything, it's probably unlikely that I'll find the necessary will power to go completely alcohol free, but I'm sure that it can be largely cut out. Since I'm cheap, maybe I should take $50 a month and put it into my savings account, and keep track of it...haha. Another thought would be if one of you would like to offer me a bet...that would work...I hate losing bets.

So this holiday has gotten me thinking more than ever of the "negativity" I feel myself surrounded by. It seems that the first words out of people's mouths are some sort of complaint. Now I'm sure that I'm being fairly hyper sensitive to it, so I'll try to stop. I'm seeing though, that there seems to be a general lack of optimism around. There are "problems" and there are problems, and I think that my frustration has to do with the perception that "problems" really are problems. If that didn't confuse you, please read on. I feel that we (me included) have a hard time focusing on the positives in life, because we take then for granted. For instance, if you're hungry, when you eat, you forget about what it was like to be hungry. We have time to focus on the house being unclean instead of thinking, well I have a safe roof over my head, and others are sitting in the cold. I was hungry this morning, and it sucked, but now, I'm not hungry, how about those that are.

This might not make any sense, but I guess my point is that if we can focus on the positives around us, it'll leave us with the energy to make a positive impact on those that have true problems.

A friend of mine just reminded me of her friend who's got cancer. This person is 26 years old, and undergoing very difficult chemotherapy. Another friend's friend has had a stroke at 28, and is very severely disabled. My own parents were in a serious car accident 2.5 years ago, and the effects are still being seen. How can we help these people, when our energies, many times are focused on the petty things in life.

I know, I know, I'm on a soapbox, but hopefully theres someone out there who'll tell me I'm full of crap if I am.

Passing On

This past Sunday I was woken up to my phone ringing at 7:15am. I looked at it, and saw it was my brother calling, and it didn't process that he was calling at 6:15am his time, only that it was really early, and I didn't understand why he'd be calling, so I didn't answer. Then it clicked that something was wrong, cuz he wouldn't call that early...and I called him right back...

My uncle had past away. Specifically, my Kiritphoa (Dad's sister's husband), had a heart attack on Saturday night, and died before getting to the hospital.

Of course, the family gathered at my aunt's house, an uncle flew in from Atlanta, and a cousin (daughter) flew in from New Jersey. One cousin in Atlanta and I were the only ones not to make it back, though it wasn't expected. I talked to my aunt, who obviously was very distraught, and didn't really converse with me.

Then the rest of the day came. I was in Philadelphia, and it didn't really hit me that my uncle had passed away. A cousin was in town, and we got together and went to watch the Bears game at a local bar, and then had dinner. The next morning, I went to work, and it was back to life as usual. As I think about it now though, I realize that it doesn't entirely make sense to go right back to life as usual. Its not life as usual, there's someone missing. I was not very close to my uncle, not much more than pleasantries when we met, which was a few times a year. Even so, though, when I go back to Chicago, he won't be there...no chance of running into him at the Indian store near his old house...no talking about what's going on with the banks in India...

I have 15 sets of aunts and uncles, and of those 30 people only 3 have passed away. The other 2, I really didn't know at all, only had met them a few times in my life. Both of my grandfathers have passed away in my life, and while I didn't have tremendouse contact with them, I did have attachment to them...

So this is different...my contact, less attachment, yet, its a change from normal...

Interesting thing is that since I'm so far away, there's a really easy sense of detachment...I'm not involved with the family on a daily basis, and it makes me a little immune from what's happening in Chicago.

Life goes on now. I think about my uncle's passing, and realize that he lived to see more than he ever could have imagined 15 years ago. He's seen his eldest daughter buy a beautiful new home, and see 2 of his grand-daughters grow up with him. He's seen his youngest 2 daughters overcome bad marriages, and become happy with their families. He was able to buy a home in India that wouldn't have been possible with American dollars.

So we'll all miss my uncle, but we can rest easy that he was able to live a great life...and he's now onto something better...