Missed oppurtunities

The internet, the vast emptiness that is so full of knowledge, yet cannot be grasped, cannot be felt, only seen...yet it's still so empty. It's there, right in front of us, a medium...not transparent, but it's weight can't be measured, it's shape can't be described, it's just there. It's this great vast space, that doesn't take any up, it connects us together, but at the same time, it doesn't really connect us at all. For me, this blog...it's a place for me to put my thoughts. Maybe it's the only place that I can be honest with myself, or with others, for it's the one place that isn't really seen by anyone who I might have thoughts about. Maybe my friends do read it, but I'm sure they don't. Just like I don't read theres, or maybe I do.

So now, I want to write about missed oppurtunities...chances at happiness that just slip through my fingers...and others that I grab at, but just like the internet, it's not to be felt...only to be seen...and for the most part just passing me by. Maybe I should have said this, maybe I should have thought that, maybe I should have done it in another way...maybe, maybe, maybe...forever haunting me...or at least for now...

Everyone has their different takes, I suppose...my missed oppurtunities have left me here, successful and alone...I suppose they could have left me unsuccessful and alone, or not alone, just unsuccessful...though I would think they are intertwined...does one exist without the other for me...so does that make me unsuccessful and alone...that's a good reason to down the entire bottle of whatever's nearest...not really, but it seems like it is...so that's me, huh, unsuccessful and alone...

Have you ever thought, who'd care if you weren't there anymore. Sure it's right out of a movie, I know...but I've had the thought on my own, much longer than i've been allowed to watch movies...anyway, my first thought seems to go to work...what would happen tomorrow if I didn't show up...as much as I care, sadly nothing would happen. The half ripped up chaulk outline on my cube floor would become a sick joke...maybe my cube would stay the way it is forever...well they'd take my name down...take my computer out, but would it at least say unoccupied...probably not. Beyond that...I'd like to think that I'm important to some people...and surely I am...but life'll stop for no one...I guess I wouldn't want that...it'd be a momentary pause for those that I know...but just that...one moment, of millions in a lifetime...just a pause, a breath...and then moving on...

Just called a friend to talk...not sure about what...but as soon as that person answered the phone, I went within myself...how dare I keep that person up at night...there might have been a time...but now it's gone...so far so I couldn't even start to talk...mature, old Mitesh...no no, nothing important, just go to sleep...it's what I should do too...

So missed oppurtunities...taking the chance on something...while letting others pass you by...maybe its the story of everyone's life...for me though...it's not those other lives that matter right now....